Jujutsushi 138

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Chapter 138: Confession Unmade

We quickly made our way to the starting fairy square of this zone.

Yamajun was hurt bad. I wanted to help him as soon as possible, but we couldn’t risk it away from the safety of the square.

At the time, I performed basic first aid with the salves I had on hand, and to lessen the bleeding, I wrapped him in blackhair. Blackhair bind was also useful in carrying him on Raptor’s back so that he didn’t fall.

And the moment we arrived, I began his treatment. I say that, but I’m neither a doctor nor do I have a calling specializing in healing. I can’t really do much.

“Gently now”

“Sure, careful guys”

“Y-Yamajun, stay with us!”

We set him down by the fountain and took off his outer wear. Unbuttoning his gakuran and shirt, I pulled up his blood soaked undershirt.

“Ugh, it’s bad… ”

I despaired.

The wind blade had sliced into him from the top of his right shoulder all the way to his left hip. The large gash kept gushing out blood, tinting him scarlet.

Can my ointment A really handle something like this? Even if it healed, what if he lost too much blood by then and… Ah, fuck it, do now, think later!

I quickly clean the affected area with water, dumped the contents of my bag and grab the desired ointment container. Applying more doesn’t necessarily do more, but I wasn’t feeling frugal. I practically buried the wound in ointment.

“Uh, Khh… Uu… ”

Yamajun groaned in pain. Maybe it stings? Just bear with it, this time only, promise.

“Oi Momokawa, tell me he’s fine right!?”

“Shut up Yamada”

Yamada, panicking and desperate, was seeking reassurance I couldn’t give. I then realized that it was better to tell him ‘it’s fine’ anyway, but Ueda was a step ahead and I’d lost my timing.

“… Momokawa-kun… Are you, there?”

“Yamajun!?”

Though tinged with pain, Yamada spoke in a clear voice. It was a small voice that felt as if it would disappear any second but, he was conscious.

“Don’t force yourself, alright? The ointment might work faster if you –– ”

“It’s OK… Ju-just listen… I, might not get another chance… ”

I suddenly thought about how I’ve read this scene in a lot of manga. The useless thoughts buzzing into my head must be how I was trying to deny this reality.

Be that as it may, I still had a duty to hear a dying friend’s last words.

I couldn’t look away from this. An important friend was on the fine line between life and death. I couldn’t even imagine ignoring his parting words.

“I wrote down, everything I know about the ancient language, it’s in my notebook… I’m sorry Momokawa-kun, I couldn’t teach you properly… ”

“No, you did great, really. And thanks, I’ll read it”

Shitshit, why are you talking like you’re leaving behind your will.

“Ueda-kun… You’re, the bravest one of us… I know that you’ll, be the first to charge in no matter the enemy...”

“Shit, fuck you Yamajun, why do you gotta say that now!”

“Nakai-kun, you, haha, you’re great at reading people… You handle our vanguard… If it’s you, we can take down any monster… ”

“Heh, heheh, so you did notice. That’s right, It’s thanks to me we have great teamwork!”

“Shimokawa-kun, you’re the best at making, decisions on your feet… Thank you, we escaped just now thanks to you… ”

“No… I, if I was a little faster, we would’ve… ”

“And Yamada-kun, I’ve known you the longest among the guys here… Thank you, for being a great friend”

“You, dumbass… you say that like you’re gonna die!”

“You’re our strongest… Protect the guys… So don’t worry so much, trust in your friends”

“I know, I got it! So Yamajun, … don’t… ”

Yamada was sobbing like a baby. But so were the rest of us. It just couldn’t be helped.

“Momokawa-kun… You’re the leader. And I know you’re a good one at that… ”

“I, I’m nothing like that… I could just barely manage, and even that was because you were there”

“You are… despite your weak calling, you’re brave, intelligent, and kind… Even if you, had to kill someone, yeah?”

Huh, so he’d realized that I killed Higuchi?

“I, believed that you did the right thing, I still believe it”

“How, how can you. I’ve never done anything so great… ”

“It’s because… I’ve always… Nnng, ghh, cough!”

As if his time was nearing, Yamajun started coughing violently. Blood came out, dirtying his mouth.

“Haah, haaah…. Sorry, I can’t… ”

“Yamajun, it’s ok. It’ll be alright, I put on lots of ointment. This thing saved me after I was almost done in by an armor bear you know? You’re be alright!”

“Yeah, I know… Thank you… ”

His life was fading away. Yamajun slowly closed the eyes on his pale white face.

“Momokawa-kun… Can you, hold my hand, please… It’s, cold”

“Of course”

I gently held Yamajun’s hand in both of mine, as if in prayer.

“Thank you… this, isn’t that scary now”

“Yeah, you’ll be fine… When you wake up, you’ll be all healed up… ”

Shit, don’t cry, don’t cry. How’re you supposed to put him at ease looking this sad.

I had to believe. Even it it’s just me, at this moment, I had to believe that Yamajun would stay alive, but I…

“Good night… Everyone”

“Yeah, good night, Yamajun… ”

Ueda was the first to speak.

“… Guys, we shouldn’t leave him like this”

“Right...”

“Yeah”

Nakai and Shimokawa also stood up.

“W-wait up! What, the hell, are you trying to do!”

Seeing the totem pole trio like that, Yamada began to yell.

“The hell are you talking about”

“Calm down Yamada. I, we feel the same”

“Yamajun, he’s –– ”

“Shut your traps! He’s not, Yamajun is not dead!”

Ah man, what’s with this dumbass.

Yamajun is, fucking dead alright.

He stopped breathing already. His heart’s stopped, and I even checked his pupil reflex. They’re the 3 signs of death apparently.

They’d remain wide even with light entering, meaning that he was completely brain dead too. Since pupillary reflex is governed by the brain, it’d remain if just his heart had stopped.

Yes, by medical standards, Yamajun as a living person had completely ceased.

“Yamajun, is dead”

So I told him the unvarnished truth.

He looks peaceful. They say the dead may look like they’re simply sleeping, and it’s how it looked to me too. As if he could wake up any moment… Which was only selfishness from those left behind.

I confirmed Yamajun’s passing with my own hands. So that I could be sure that putting on more ointment won’t help. So that I could convince myself that praying to god at this point won’t cause any miracles.

“Don’t deny it, Yamada-kun”

I stood up.

Our first course of action was to give Yamajun a burial.

“Shit, shitshit… shit shit shit...”

Yamada was crying his heart out while still helping us dig a hole at the base of a fairy walnut tree. He was after all, the closest friend to Yamajun among the 4 of us. As for myself, standing near such passionate mourning, my tears had pretty much dried up.

My head was already filled with a different emotion.

For us, Yamajun’s death was painful, regretful and tragic beyond words. It’s the type of thing you see in a drama show.

And yet, his death had no meaning. Honestly speaking, Yamajun had died for nothing.

Of course, he did end up saving me by getting hurt fatally himself. But that’s it.

The act of saving someone’s life is truly valiant, yes, but if you died in the process, then it’s all for nothing. You shouldn’t have to offer up your own life to save someone else’s. There’s no meaning if only one comes out of it alive… No, rather, I can’t accept something like that.

Why did you save me. You knew that wind blade was fatal didn’t you? If it was me, I wouldn’t have done it. I definitely wouldn’t. I value my life the most.

Whether he knew he was sacrificing himself to save me, or he was a good enough person to not even think on it and did it on reflex, at this point, who knows.

The ends are all that matters. My feelings on the matter are, in the end, just reasons tacked onto a result. The boy known as Yamakawa Junichirou had died. That was everything.

This isn’t fair. I can’t accept this. He didn’t have a single reason to die. Yamajun, the heart of class 2-7, absolutely no one had anything against him.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. This should not have happened.

What do you call this emotion –– it was Anger.

I, stopped being simply sad. I stopped shedding tears.

We laid Yamajun in the grave, and as a send off, we took flowers from the one’s growing here and placed them over his body. Finally, we shoveled dirt over that and buried him, everyone still sobbing. I wasn’t the same but wasn’t about to blame them for it either.

I was the only one who wouldn’t cry.

Because, unlike everyone else, I was mad with rage.

“Reina… I will kill you”

This was the second time. My second oath of killing someone due to pure grudge.

For the sin of letting Yamajun die in vain, Reina A. Ayase will face the full extent of my curse.

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